The War that Rages Between Feelings and Truth

“Let God be true though every one were a liar, as it is written, “That you may be justified in your words, and prevail when you are judged.” Romans 3:4

I remember the first time I fell in love. I must have been 12 years old. My brother had a best friend named Corey and I really felt love for him. He was just a unique person, handsome, daring, wild, angry…I could go on and on. I chased after him for years, even after he pushed my innocent advances away. In my young mind, I would’ve married him. I swore I was going to. Fast forward to the many guys that I fell for hard…many of them I thought I would’ve married at that time. Then there are the two guys who asked me to marry them when I was younger. The first was a summer love I met in Belgium named Mark…I must have been 14 when he asked me. Then a guy named Sean that held my heart more than anyone else prior. We had been dating for years, I was certain he was “the one”…Until I met Tom…my Tom. He was my sponsor in the Army. He walked into the building with this swagger. He instantly grabbed my attention and when they called my name and assigned me to him, everything changed. It was a divine moment and nothing has been the same ever since.

But in my heart, all those times, I was certain I loved those guys. At the time I did. It took me a long time to know what love truly was but at the time, they held my heart. My feelings were certain but what was true, was not. “My” truth was driven by limited and imperfect knowledge. 

This is what often happens in our trials, at least at first. We are overrun by the emotion of our feelings and have a hard time with God’s truths. We ask questions like “is God even real” during those hard times and become overcome by our emotions. We forget that we live in a broken world and that just because we are believers, doesn’t mean we are immune to the sin, disease, violence, and pain that surrounds us. We expect God to protect us from the pain and suffering that enslaves this world and when chaos enters our door, our feelings can become king. They can get nice and deep in the throne that belongs to God alone. They govern what we say, feel, and do until we learn to lean on what we know again, not merely what we feel – that God is good and all He does is good. That the chaos that has entered our door can only be lived victoriously through Jesus so we must turn to Him because we can’t survive that chaos without Him. He becomes the shield we hold onto. The refuge we seek. The weapon we yield, the worship we give. He doesn’t necessarily take the chaos away, often He walks with us in it, protecting our soul. He shows us the safe passage home saying, “follow me”.

In a trial, feelings and truth become very bitter enemies. They war deep within us. They take up swords like warriors against each other and battle for the very precious thing that is most important- our soul. Our feelings say one thing but the Word of God, an entirely different thing. We battle to fight the good fight of faith and believe over feel. This is a tremendous battle that sometimes must be fought moment to moment and second to second. 

I can’t tell you how often I fail and choose feelings over the truth…but in war, there is both victory and defeat. Both exist in the fiercest battle. It is ok to have them both as long as we continue to wrestle. It is ok to have those difficult moments with God and struggle to hold onto the truth. We just can’t stay there. The battle must continue to be fought. Truth must continue to be believed over what we feel. We may allow our feelings to get on that throne but we can’t keep them there. We must fight to keep the true King on His throne in our hearts in order that we can prevail under the trial. We need the word and truth of God more than ever in the war. Until the victory is over, let us battle and wage war. We must remind ourselves of truth in the war or we can get consumed by the emotion of the circumstance. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” This verse states a hard truth because our feelings often seem right while going against them seems wrong. Had I went with my feelings every time I thought I had found “the one”, I would’ve found myself in one failed marriage after another. My heart deceived me. That is the difference between feelings and truth- truth stands without question and can be trusted…our hearts however waver at the first sign of discomfort.

I battle every day…every moment. I vacillate between what I know and what I feel. Battling doesn’t mean I am failing as a believer, it means I am taking up my position as a warrior. We harm each other as believers when we forget that the battle exists and wrongly condemn the one fighting, for fighting. We forget our own warrior moments when we felt the heat of war and the breath of the enemy upon us. When we see our brothers and sisters in their war, we must posture in a defense position for them and pray for their victory. The fight of faith is a fight worth the effort of the whole Christian church. It is our calling to be warriors and soldiers…

Let us believe, until the victory is ours.

He is worthy!