I am tired today. The amount of sleep I get has gone down from 6 hours a night to 4 hours a night so I am not getting much sleep at all now. My body is doing so much to recover so I feel fatigued in a greater way. I sometimes don’t know how I am going to get through this injury. My body is constantly being pushed beyond its abilities. I literally imagine that one day it is just going to quit on me and give up and there are times I want it to. It overwhelms me to think about it. In my flesh, this trial is too much for me. I suffer every day and throughout most of the day. There are no days that I have a reprieve, just days where my symptoms are easier than others. I am overwhelmed about the huge journey ahead of me.
To push back against the fear that can easily overshadow my thoughts, I must shield my thoughts in the word of God. The verses that I cling to ground and steady me. They have become a place of refuge, in spite of my injured brain. It doesn’t remove my symptoms or pain but it does prevent my mind from being overcome by the shadow of fear.
I remind my soul:
When I am afraid of the healing timeline: “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) This verse helps me stay in the moment. This day is all I have been given so it moves me to live for this day alone and not worry about what may be. It is the single greatest verse in my armory right now. It literally shields me from despair.
When I am tired and feel I cant go on: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) In my very weakest points, I remember that I am being empowered by the grace of God. When I can’t go on, He does it for me. It means when I feel my very weakest, at that moment, because of God’s grace, I am at my strongest. I know that there are thousands of suffering saints all around the world who can attest to this truth.
When I wonder how I will get through the next day: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23) Every day I wonder how I will get through the day and yet, every day I do. This verse reminds me that God’s mercies will be new for me tomorrow. I will still be tired and beyond my ability but He will see me through it all.
When I am impatient or feeling hopeless: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, persistent in prayer.” (Romans 12:12) This verse is a verse for the suffering. It teaches powerful truths we must remember in our trials – hope, patience, and persistent prayer!
When I am doubting how this trial is good: “You are good and do good; teach me your statutes.” (Psalm 119:68) I have to constantly remember that God is good and all that He does is good. This is how we battle as believers.
When I am discouraged: “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) Some versions use discouraged instead of fear. I like them both as they both apply. I love the imagery that Jesus is at my right hand holding me up.
When I am sad about my body: “For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.” (Hebrews 13:14) We do not belong here. I see that more and more each day. This world is not my home…Hallelujah!
There is something powerful about the word of God. It is a shield to me. Right now it keeps me centered daily. Moment to moment, I hold fast to it. I see the truth that it proclaims it is. It does what it promises to do. Psalm 119:160 says “The sum of Your word is truth, and every one of Your righteous ordinances is everlasting.”
I wish that it removed my affliction. I know that I have brothers and sisters suffering from all over the world. I know that they wish the same. The word of God instead covers us. It is the balm over the part of us that feels the sting of this dying world. It reminds us that this world is not our home and that the victory we have is an eternal one. God’s word gives us the ability to believe in the toughest circumstances. To hold on one more day as we await the promise.
How are you doing today? Are you in your own world of suffering and need a friend to talk to? Please feel free to reach out and know that you are not alone. Let me know if there is any way I can pray for you. Please continue to pray for me in this trial. Pray for my sleep, endurance, quick restoration, and full recovery. God is able, amen, and amen!